Today I send my three year old off to college…

 …or so it feels.I know, it’s only preschool, but it feels like it is the beginning of the ‘letting go’ part of being a Mama. I can’t believe my baby is going to school already. I always thought I’d have him at home until he was 5 years old and perhaps longer with the option of homeschooling, but sometimes things happen and your vision of what you thought would be, changes. So, I know it is going to be sooo good for him. Yet, I long to be there and protect him and guide him and keep him under my wing. BUT it’s going to be so good for him. Can you hear me convincing myself? Ha. But it’s true! The things he will learn, academically and socially. I can’t give him all of that at home considering the additional challenges he needs to overcome with the Developmental Apraxia of Speech diagnosis. I feel that we are incredibly blessed that he is able to go to this preschool specializing in his specific needs.

At the same time, my Mama heart aches today as I hand his care over to someone else for a few hours every day. I am so thankful that Mikail has a Heavenly Father right beside him, protecting him from all the things that threaten to keep a Mama up at night with worry and debilitating anxiety. In this ‘letting go’ stage I am learning to entrust Mikail to God on a whole knew level. He is, first and foremost God’s child given to us for whatever amount of time He chooses. So once again I release him into God’s protective care. In doing so I am learning that God will shower blessings on him that I can’t give him on my own. I am after all just a human with the best intentions and the biggest heart for my baby, but still, just a flawed human with an amazing flawless Heavenly Father.

So, now as I we have left him in the hands (literally) of his preschool teachers (he cried and cried when it was time for us to leave), I cling to this promise that God is with my Mikail.  God is showering blessings on him right now. And God’s presence is with me here as I shed my Mama tears and try to relax and place my trust in Him over and over again.

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