Grief has a way of finding us when we least expect it. A familiar song, a quiet moment, a family gathering, or an ordinary day can bring memories close to the surface. Sometimes we know what has stirred those feelings. Other times, grief simply shows up, uninvited.

Each of us carries a different story of loss. We may miss someone who has died, grieve a relationship that has changed, or feel the weight of a life that looks different than we imagined.

Grief is a natural expression of love. When someone or something has mattered deeply to us, it makes sense that their absence matters, too. We don’t grieve because we are weak. We grieve because we have loved, and that love doesn’t simply disappear.

Grief Doesn’t Follow a Straight Line

Many of us have heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1969) originally developed this framework through conversations with terminally ill patients facing their own deaths. Her work was later applied more broadly to grief and other significant losses. However, the stages were never intended to be a set of steps that everyone must follow in a particular order. Kübler-Ross described responses that could overlap, return, or exist alongside one another. Grief is far more complex than a checklist, and there is no single right way to experience it.

David Kessler, who worked with Kübler-Ross, later introduced a sixth stage: meaning (Kessler, 2019). This isn’t about finding a reason for a loss or pretending that something painful happened for a purpose. Rather, it is about discovering ways to live, love, and carry our experiences forward while honouring what we have lost.

Healing doesn’t mean moving on or leaving someone behind. Sometimes, it means learning how to carry love and loss together. We can start making room for joy again while still missing someone deeply. We can grow around our grief without needing to leave our love behind.

The Role of Compassion

Grief can bring expectations with it. We might tell ourselves we should be doing better by now, need to be stronger, or shouldn’t still feel this way. We may even compare our grief to someone else’s and wonder why our experience looks so different.

This is where compassion matters.

Psychologist Kristin Neff’s (2003) research on self-compassion identifies three important elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. In everyday terms, this means treating ourselves with understanding rather than criticism, remembering that suffering is part of the human experience, and allowing difficult feelings to exist without becoming overwhelmed by them.

When we apply this to grief, self-compassion might sound like this: This is hard because it matters. I don’t have to judge myself for missing someone. I can give myself permission to feel what I feel today.

Compassion also matters in how we support others. We may not know what someone is carrying, and we don’t need the perfect words or to fix their pain. Sometimes, a listening ear, a simple check-in, or remembering the name of someone they miss can mean more than we realize.

We don’t have to take away someone’s sadness to help them feel less alone.

Making Room for Remembrance

Take a moment to reflect:

What or who am I holding in my heart right now?

Perhaps it is someone who is no longer here. Perhaps it is a relationship that has changed, a dream that didn’t unfold as hoped, or a season of life you miss.

Whatever comes to mind, you don’t need to push it away or make it mean something profound. You can simply acknowledge it.

Consider creating a small grief task. Light a candle, write down a favourite memory, take a quiet walk somewhere meaningful, or spend a few moments in prayer. There is no right way to remember, and your task doesn’t need to be elaborate. It simply needs to make space for what matters to you.

Love That Remains

Grief reminds us that love leaves a mark. The people we have loved, the experiences that have shaped us, and the memories we carry become part of our story. We may wish things were different, and we can still find ways to honour what remains.

Wherever you find yourself in your grief, give yourself permission to be there. You don’t have to rush your healing, meet someone else’s expectations, or have all the answers.

This month, I encourage you to honour one memory. Share a story, say someone’s name, revisit a meaningful tradition, or reach out to someone who may be grieving. A small act of remembrance or kindness can be a meaningful place to start.

Love doesn’t end when a life changes or a goodbye comes. Sometimes, it simply finds a different way to remain.

References

Kessler, D. (2019). Finding meaning: The sixth stage of grief. Scribner.

Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. Macmillan.

Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309032