Every year, for the past number of years, I have forgone New Years Resolutions. I am the worst at keeping them. Instead I choose a word to help guide me throughout the year. In 2015 I chose the word blessed–perfect to reflect in that year we were in the throngs of mourning. In 2016 I chose the word hope–I desperately needed hope the year after the shock of Mikail’s death wore off. In 2017 I chose the word courage–and had the opportunity to practice it daily as we desperately sought support for various things we were going through and kept on searching until we found it. Just to keep trying and not giving up when our trust in people and the Church kept shattering, took every ounce of courage I could muster.  Each year, my one word was exactly the word meant for me and my growth as an individual.

For 2018 I have chosen the word trust. I was going to choose the word faith, but soon realized that having faith is not something I struggle with. I have a deep faith, but in the past few years, trust has shattered.  Until recently I hadn’t really thought about the difference between trust and faith, but I am starting to see that there is a difference. Faith is a strong belief in someone or something without having logical proof. Trust, on the other hand, is a firm belief in the reliability and truth of someone or something.

My faith in God is strong. I have a confident belief that He is sovereign and can and will do all that He promises. Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1. Faith is a noun.  It is something we have or possess.

Trust, on the other hand is a verb. It is something you do or act on. Can you have faith without trust? I think so. Trust is a choice we make. We choose to act on it and it can grow out of our faith.

What makes trust so complicated is that things happen in our lives that God allows to happen that are really difficult. So if He allows these things to happen, how can we trust that He won’t allow other hard things to happen? Can I fully trust Him? This is a choice and a process, but as our faith grows, so does our ability to trust.

I find that it is easier to trust God than it is to trust people or institutions. This past year I found that the years it took trust to build, it took seconds to break that trust. One of the worst feelings in the world is having to doubt something you thought was unquestionable. I found this in my, perhaps naive, trust in the institution of the Church in general. I am so thankful for the gift of Godly people in our lives that are helping rebuild this trust. Another thing I am coming to terms with is that a single lie or omission, creates a deep doubt in every truth expressed from that point forward. It takes time and purposeful choice to journey that road to trust again, especially when that trust is broken over and over and over again.

As I enter 2018 I hope that choosing trust as my one word for the year, will remind me each day that trust is a choice I must make. I cannot control other people’s choices, but I can control my response and practice grace when I would naturally just want to give up. My trust in God is something I work on daily. When Olivia gets sick, fear easily takes over. What if she is taken from us too? Yet, I am reminded that God is sovereign. He has a divine purpose for each of our lives and 2018 is going to be all about trusting in that purpose and stepping out in faith in areas I have held back on for years because of my fear of relinquishing of control.

I am so excited for 2018 and all that it has for us. I already know it’s going to be a challenging year, but I can’t wait for what it will all mean for us and the purpose God has for us in the big picture of Kingdom building.