The Christmas season this year felt heavier than usual. Not the missing of Mikail. That’s a missing that has settled into our souls. It’s a part of us and will always be there. There are a few other heavy things weighing us down and it seems that only a miracle could change these things. Yes, sometimes miracles come in an instant but the types of situations these are, will take time to change, heal and resolve. So, although we need a couple of big miracles in our lives in that regard, my Christmas miracle prayers were simple: a white Christmas and a joy that we have not experienced at Christmas since Christmas 2013.

Our situation has not changed, but oh what a wonderful Christmas we had. We woke up to a white Christmas and the days of Christmas were filled with an explainable joy. A contentedness that had no overshadowing, paralyzing grief. We just felt content in each moment we were gifted. Yes, there was a constant longing, but for the first time, it was not paralyzing and I didn’t feel like I was walking through the motions, faking it to make it. Christmas was filled with a deep knowing that one day we will celebrate Christmas together with the King of Kings.

There were gifts, games, laughter, fun. Just as we were playing a game, I thought, Mikail would have had so much fun with us today. And as that thought came to mind, someone pointed out the window at a beautiful red cardinal perched on a branch in the white winter wonderland.

Why do we think it strange that God would speak to us using physical signs? I’ve always wondered this, but in the past few years, these simple physical signs have brought so much comfort and peace. It is said that the appearance of a red cardinal is representative of a loved one who has passed. They usually show up when you most need them or miss them. It is said that they make an appearance during times of celebration as well as despair to let you know they will always be with you. Whether this is true or not, I do not know. What I do know is that just as I was feeling a sense of peace and celebration, a deep longing for Mikail settled in, and the red cardinal appeared filling me with a sense of knowing that things are okay. Mikail is okay. I am okay. God’s got this and it’s okay to feel joy and peace, hope and love intermingled with a deep longing for our boy that will not go away this side of heaven. What an incredible gift.

The simple miracles of a white Christmas and a true joy that we have not experienced in years. A joy we didn’t think was possible, miraculously returned.