What Scares The Begeebees Out of You?

For the past couple of months we’ve been studying the book Chazown written by Craig Groeschel with a small group of people.  This book comes to us at just the perfect time and it’s been wonderful, but it’s been hard work. Hard work that’s got me on my knees. On my knees because I can’t seem to stand with all the shaking up it’s doing in my heart and soul. On my knees because it’s making me look at what’s left after the crumbling of our life the past 3 1/2 years. Crumbling that hasn’t stopped since we made the trek across the country 3 1/2 years ago. On my knees praying for wisdom and guidance and a small simple, desperate whisper of ‘help us’.

I have been on auto pilot for 3 1/2 years. I’ve seemed to have lost my passion, my vision and my purpose for life and I’m so weary of the auto pilot. Chazown is from the Hebrew language and is pronounced khaw-zone. It means a dream, revelation or vision. It’s what God had in mind for our life when we were created. As life happens, we can often get stuck in the routine of life, or get buried in the tragedies that may befall us and we land up not living out the Chazown God has in mind for us. Through this study we were encouraged to examine our core values, spiritual gifts, and past experiences. Examining these areas of life helped me to identify common themes that brought renewed clarity to my life. The only problem? What I discovered to be my passion, vision and purpose, scares the begeebees out of me. It means I have to relinquish a whole lot of control I’ve been holding onto so tightly since our world turned upside down. It brings me to tears each time I audibly speak about it. It scares me. It’s not logical. It’s not in the realm of what my mind feels as safe. Yet, I know without a doubt that it is my passion, it drives my vision, and is the purpose for my life. It also means I have to relinquish control and trust God.

As I was driving home from a meeting last night (a meeting that’s perhaps a small step in the direction of living my Chazown), I was thinking about how this all makes me fall to my knees and I asked God, how am I supposed to fulfill this all? What’s my first step? And of course a song came on the radio and I got my answer: let go and let Me take control. Allow Me to redeem and restore you. Allow Me to go behind and before you. I will make a way.

Listen to the words and let the lyrics be your prayer. What is God asking you to relinquish control over? What’s your passion? What’s your vision? What’s your purpose? It may scare the begeebees out of you too, but maybe that’s okay. Just maybe.

Control (Somehow You Want Me)
Tenth Avenue North 

Here I am
All my intentions
All my obsessions
I want to lay them all down
In Your hands
Only Your love is vital
Though I’m not entitled
Still You call me Your child
God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To take my hands off of my life
And the way it should go
God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To open my hands up
And give You control
I give You control
I’ve had plans
Shattered and broken
Things I have hoped in
Fall through my hands
You have plans
To redeem and restore me
You’re behind and before me
Oh, help me believe
God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To take my hands off of my life
And the way it should go, oh
God You

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