There are so many beautiful yet heartbreaking moments in this journey of grief with a two year old. I have started writing some of them down so that I don’t forget:

Shortly after Mikail’s death, we were explaining to Olivia that we were going to go to Cuba. Just Mommy, Daddy, Nana, Papa, and her. To this she looked at us wide-eyed,

“But I’m only one guy. We need two guys. Two guys can play better together.”

Oh the heartbreak of losing your brother, best friend, and playmate.

Olivia loves to take paper, stickers and tape and create ‘masterpieces’ for everyone she knows. Recently she asked if she could make one for Mikail. I told her of course, but she just wouldn’t be able to give it to him like she gives her papers to other people. So, off she went to create her masterpiece.  A few minutes later I found her jumping up and down throwing her paper creation into the air. I asked her what she was doing.

“Mommy, it won’t go high enough. It’s supposed to go all the way up to heaven for Mikail. It just won’t go!” she exclaimed with exasperation.

Jason and Olivia were at the table and Olivia was colouring in her colouring book.

“Daddy, do you think Mikail colours in heaven?”

“I’m sure he does.”

“What kind of colouring book does he have? Cars? Planes? Spiderman?

“I think it’s a ‘Jesus Saves the World’ colouring book.”

“YEAH! That’s a good one.”

We were driving down the highway in the truck and Olivia was looking out the window and is mumbling to herself and we could tell she was talking about Mikail and heaven. Eventually she talked more clearly so we could hear her,

“Maybe I could go to heaven for just a bit to see Mikail?”

“Sorry, sweetheart, even though we all would love that, it just doesn’t work that way.”

“Well, what if I was a super hero? I could fly aaaalllll the way up to heaven and bring Mikail and all the children in heaven back to earth and we could just have heaven here with us. If I was a superhero I could do that, right?”

“If you were a super hero you could do that. What would your name be if you were a super hero?”

“Wonder Princess!!