So, what did you do today?

Us? We went to the OPP Detachment and picked up the “evidence” seized at the scene of Mikail’s death.  The box sits on the bed in the guest room and waits to be opened. Sheets, towels, medication, sippy cups, his favourite blanket and pillow. When will we get the courage to open it and rifle through the box to find the blanket and pillow we will be keeping? The rest? I wish someone would just take it all and throw it out for us.
What a surreal experience, to sign out the “property” taken in the investigation of your son’s death. I remember that day so clearly. Going downstairs to pack a suitcase and seeing the row of bags of “evidence” they were taking. Because his death was sudden and we didn’t know the cause of it at the time, it had to be treated as a ‘crime’. We totally understood that and encouraged them to take anything at all that would help in finding out why he died.
The OPP was incredibly sensitive and compassionate towards us that day and even now when we speak to them from time to time. Never once did they treat us as criminals (I know there were many who prayed that this would be the case. Thank you for your prayers. They were answered). The detective who was with me the whole time kept assuring me that I am an amazing mom. That she could see that from everything and everyone around us. She assured me that we had nothing to worry about, but we needed as much information as possible to try and figure out what could have happened to Mikail.
When we went to pick up the “evidence” yesterday we were met with much compassion and sympathy. Such a lovely team they have here at the OPP in town.
Since I started writing this post, we went through the box of “evidence” and I found it incredibly difficult. Some bags we did not open. There was no need. We easily found his blanket and pillow. I burried my face in them, praying I could still smell my sweet boy. I wanted to be able to smell his sweet boy smell one more time. It was long gone and my tears soaked the last two things that had been of comfort to him. I was just so thankful that the morning he passed away I remembered to hug him and smell him one last time. To memorize him.

Hold your children close. Memorize everything about them. Cherish each moment. We have no regrets. We lived life large with Mikail. We cuddled. We snuggled. We read lots of stories. We said “I love you” a lot. We took lots of pictures. We did many activities together. Looking back there are no regrets. 

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