Depression Part IX: Trust

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6

In the past number of weeks I have felt pretty much ‘normal’. The fog of depression has lifted. I have found the things that give me a feeling of true peace. Great, right?

Should be great, except that I see signs of it crumbling. But that’s okay. I can do this. I am learning that in the chaos of life right now (more on that in a bit), it pays to sit down and ‘just be’. For example, yesterday I was in tears in the morning because I was so incredibly overwhelmed with everything. I decided that I would just leave the ‘to do list’ for an hour and ‘be’. I put Olivia down for a nap, gave Mikail the iPad and I watched an hour of TV. Total complete brain shut off for me and it was great. Just what I needed. I felt rejuvenated enough to tackle my list for the day: make 4 dozen buns, 2 dozen mini muffins, a batch of baby food, baby teething cookies, and 4 dozen cookies. I even blogged. It felt great.

So, why am I feeling this sense of chaos? Well, we have been praying for wisdom in regards to purchasing a different house. I love our house, but it’s too small for our little family and all the ‘stuff’ that we have accumulated. We have put a lot of sweat equity into this house and want to get a good price for it when we sell it. According to projections for Northern Alberta,  NOW is the time to buy and this summer will be the time to sell. Buy when the market is a bit lower and sell when it is a bit higher. Jason wants to have a rental property as real estate investments. I want nothing to do with it at this time. Too much stress for my brain to handle. Dealing with renters in a transient community is not easy. So, I prayed that God would show us what to do. Stay in our current house or perhaps even provide us with a new house that grants both Jason and I the desires of our hearts? This last option seemed virtually impossible to me.

How would God provide a house for us within our budget, a garage for Jason, square footage that is bigger than our current house, a newer area of the city, a master bedroom that is large enough so we can have all of our master bedroom furniture in the same room (that has never happened in our marriage yet), a large deck, fenced in yard, paved driveway, a location near walking trails, and the potential for turning the property into an up/down duplex for rental in the future when we move out and the opportunity for building projects for Jason. The same week I started praying this seemingly impossible prayer, we found a house that met ALL of these criteria. Seriously, God! 🙂 They say to be careful what you pray for. I am learning this is true. After several viewings of the house, we made an offer and after several hours of wheeling and dealing, our final offer was accepted. Tomorrow is the home inspection and then it will be finalized. YIKES!!! Possession date? March 8th. WHAT WERE WE THINKING??? That is less than four weeks to pack and move. Enter feelings of chaos.

To add to the chaos, we are not going to sell our current house until after August 5th when our mortgage is up for renewal. This means that we won’t have to pay any penalties. This also allows Jason time to fix a crack in the foundation wall of the basement of our current house. Something common for 40+ year old homes. The trick? To find GOOD (pet free, drug free, smoke free, party free) renters for about five months. So far God has been opening doors and providing us with everything we need and I know that I just need to trust him with this rental portion as well. He knows we cannot pay two mortgages on one income. He has provided for us up until this point. He will continue to provide. I will continue to trust and not allow these feelings of complete overwhelmingness (I made that word up) take over.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!” Malachi 3:10 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6


1 thought on “Depression Part IX: Trust

  1. Kathy

    What a time right now for you all, but God is proving himself faithful once again. Sometimes it's hard not to be overwhelmed, so good for you to know when you need to be. Praying that in the next few weeks as you move and find renters, you will have peace.



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