In my last post I shared my own background in regards to depression. Today we fast-forward another five years and we get to 2012.
It’s been a difficult couple of years, with much blessing sprinkled in the tough times. God is so incredibly good. Mikail’s birth, prognosis, diagnosis, therapies, Olivia’s birth, colic, my mastitis, Olivia’s (possible) asthma issues etc.
It all came to head about three weeks after I
was forced to stopp(ed) nursing Olivia. I was emotional, out of sorts, and in a complete fog. I had an unexplainable growing anger that scared me. After three more weeks of this I finally got up the courage to put words to what I was feeling and I spilled my fears to Jason. I feared that I had post partum depression. His reaction? Not at all what I expected. I thought he would be disappointed in me or angry with me. I don’t know why I thought that, because he’s a gentle soul. He’d never be disappointed in me or angry with me. His reaction? He hugged me and said that we should find someone I could talk to and also see my doctor. Wow! Clearly he knew something wasn’t right. Our Public Health Centre has just hired a nurse who is also a counselor for us new Mamas dealing with post partum issues. I called her and we set up an appointment. I went to see my doctor and my fear of post partum depression was confirmed. He believes that the cold turkey stopping of nursing caused my hormones to go a bit crazy. Because of my history with situational depression, he suggested that I go on medication as an assistance to getting better faster. I would still have to do the hard work myself, but the medication would probably help me get there more quickly and then I could go off the medication again. I reluctantly agreed.
Three weeks after starting the medication and talking to the Post Partum Nurse, and making some changes in how our lives were going, we noticed an improvement. Praise God.
It’s hard work, this depression thing. But it’s worth the hard work that goes into climbing out of that crevasse. The rope (medication) I am using to pull myself up is only a part of me getting better. I have new coping strategies. Well, i knew most of them, I had just forgotten them. I had forgotten ‘me’ in the equation of having a young family. More on those strategies another day.
Thanks for sharing so honestly. Your struggles are shared by many (who, I think, are strengthened by hearing how others around us live) – but your courageous and tenacious response to them is unique to you. Patience and peace to you during the holiday season (which seems to heighten lots of emotions anyway :)!
I am so proud of you, Iris, for writing about this. You ae so brave! A true hero to me!
Not an easy topic, but one that many people silently struggle with thinking that they are losers or failures. I too struggled with depression and feel that when I have a few bad days that it will turn into something worse. It is so brave of you to post this, perhaps God will use this as part of your healing. By the way….Kudos to your dear husband….What a gentle soul indeed. Merry Christmas to you and your family and may you take time for you! Cherish the time together, but cherish the time for yourself.
Hey Iris I'm just catching up on posts so I'm a little behind. Big hugs! I think it's fantastic that you wrote about your struggle with depression. It's definitely not an easy thing to talk about. ❤ – Olivia